原生家庭模式是如何塑造我們的工作模式的
The Family Dynamics We Grew Up with Shape How We Work
原生家庭模式是如何塑造我們的工作模式的
作者：Roger Jones, July 19, 2016
翻譯：Vicky Leu & Kelly Ke
Does your CEO remind you of your bullying older brother? Or the mother who always refolded your clothes because you didn’t do a good enough job? Or the emotionally distant father who never praised you? Watch out: Chances are your CEO is recreating the very same dynamics that shaped his early family life. The entire executive team, and its mission, may suffer unless the CEO recognizes it and takes conscious steps to change his subconscious behavior.
你的CEO(執行長), 是否讓你想到你欺負哥哥的事？或是, 讓你想起, 總覺得你做得不夠好, 總是重新折過衣服的你的母親？還是, 讓你想起, 總是不讚美你, 在情感上和你有著距離的父親？請留意：這位CEO(執行長), 很有可能正在重新創造影響他原生家庭生活的模式。除非他承認, 並採取有意識的步驟來改變他的潛意識行為，否則整個執行團隊及其使命可能會受到影響。
My work with top executives has shown that deep-seated, sometimes irrational fears can skew their decisions and their ability to execute company strategy. But I’ve found another influence, equally deep-seated, that affects how they deal with others in the C- suite: their earliest interactions with family members and friends.
我和高階執行主管的共事經驗，明顯顯示，有時，莫名的恐懼可能會扭曲他們的決策和執行公司策略的能力。但，我也發現另一種影響，同樣根深蒂固。高管們早期和家人及朋友的互動經驗，會影響他們與其他高階主管中的互動模式。
Research has shown that our early family experiences often re-emerge in our adult life interactions with others, including those in the business world. Families, after all, are our first “enterprise,” and our parents and siblings are our first “management team.” Early family life affects how leaders respond to pressure and react when team members compete for their attention. It influences whether they have close or distant relationships with the people who report to them, communicate directly or indirectly, micromanage or empower, encourage debates or shut them down.
研究顯示，我們在原生家庭的經歷，經常在我們和其他人在成年世界的互動中重新出現，包括在企業內。畢竟，家庭是我們的第一個“企業”，父母和兄弟姐妹是我們的第一批“管理團隊”。原生家庭生活影響領導者如何應對壓力，並在團隊成員爭奪他們的注意力時，作出反應。它影響他們要和團隊維持一個緊密或保持距離的關係，直接或間接溝通，管理細節或授權，鼓勵辯證或一言堂。
The late psychoanalyst Joyce McDougall described a “theater of the mind” whose script is written in childhood and reprised subconsciously in other settings as the child grows up. Depending on family dynamics and fate, that script could be written by Frank Capra or Tennessee Williams. Was the family open or guarded? Were emotions encouraged or repressed? Were the parents nurturing or uninvolved? Did the death of a parent, the birth of a disabled sibling, or a reversal of fortune make the family stronger? Or did it cause rifts and recrimination?
已故的精神分析學家喬伊斯·麥克杜格爾描述了一個“心靈劇場”，是在兒童時期編寫的，並且，隨著孩子的成長而在其他環境中潛意識地重新演繹。根據家庭的模式和命運，這個劇本可能是由Frank Capra或田納西威廉姆斯撰寫。這個家庭是開放還是保守的？情緒上是鼓勵(需斟酌)還是壓抑的？父母是積極培育的(需斟酌)還是不參與？父母的死亡，殘疾兄弟的出生，或者財富的翻轉是否使家庭變得更強大？或者它是否導致裂痕和交相指責？
Other researchers have proven this link between childhood experiences and adult behavior. Psychoanalysts John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth have shown that children’s attachment to theirmother affects how close they get to others is adulthood. And researcher and social policy analyst David Utting’s work links poverty to family stress. This, in turn, can derail even the most committed parent and undermine a child’s future ability to deal with stress
其他的研究人員也證實，童年的經歷與成人行為之間的關聯性。精神分析學家John Bowlby和Mary Ainsworth已經證明，孩子對母親的依賴會影響他們與他人的接近程度。研究人員和社會政策分析師David Utting的工作將貧困與家庭壓力聯繫起來。反之，這甚至可能使最忠誠的父母脫軌，並對孩子未來應對壓力的能力有負面影響。
Anna Urnova, in new INSEAD research, linked executives’ family experiences to subsequent behavior in businesses. In her study, executives told her they typically preferred working in groups that replicated their family experiences. For example, the smaller an executive’s original family, the less effort he made in building wide relations with the executive team. A first-born or only child tended to build stronger attachments to bosses.
新的INSEAD研究中，Anna Urnova將高階主管的家庭經歷和之後在企業中展現的行為聯結起來。高階主管告訴她，他們傾向在和家庭經歷相似的小組中工作。舉例來說，執行主管的原生家庭越小，他投注與團隊建立關係的努力就會越少。第一個孩子(老大)或唯一的孩子，往往與主管間會有更強的連結關係。
Transference can occur when someone subconsciously redirects feelings from childhood onto a person later in life. This often happens to executives, as psychoanalyst Michael Maccoby points out. A CEO may recreate dysfunctional early family experiences in the organization, influencing team members (who have their own early family dynamics as a backdrop). So if a CEO reminds a team member of his angry father, the team member will cower just as he did when he was young.
當有人潛意識地將感情從童年時代轉移到生活中的某個人身上時，就會發生轉移。正如精神分析師Michael Maccoby所指的，這經常發生在高管身上。CEO( 執行長)可能會在組織中，重建功能失調的原生家庭經歷，影響團隊成員（他們以自己的原生家庭動態為背景）。因此，如果CEO(執行長)提醒他的憤怒父親的團隊成員，團隊成員將像他年輕時一樣畏縮。
As you might imagine (and may have already experienced), this can make for bad feelings and underperforming senior management teams. I have seen such dysfunctions play out among a number of executives over the years. For example, Peter (all names have been changed), who heads a division of a large international services firm, preferred a hands- off approach to managing and didn’t get to know his team personally. His team felt disconnected and unhappy, and its performance suffered. Peter was stunned when he learned at his 10-month review that they perceived him as a “loner,” “disengaged,” and “emotionally distant.” But then he realized that his own father, a military veteran who moved his family frequently, was the same way.
如同您的想像（並且可能已經經歷過），這可能會導致資深管理團隊有不好的感受，以及不理想的工作表現。多年來，我已經看到許多高階主管中出現了這種功能障礙。例如，彼得（虛構的名字)，是一家大型國際服務公司的部門負責人，他傾向於採用不干涉的方式進行管理，而不是親自了解他的團隊。他的團隊感到距離和不開心，其表現受到了影響。當他在10個月的評論中得知他們認為他是一個“獨來獨往”，“保持距離”和“情緒遙遠”時，彼得驚呆了。但後來，他意識到他和自己的父親 - 一位經常搬家的軍人，是一樣的。
John, a regional CEO of another big company, was a beloved father figure to his team. He was sensitive to others and worked to minimize conflict. But when his company told him to lay off team members during a downturn in business, John became distressed. He saw his team as family and friends, while the company president used words such as “head count” and “bottom 5% of performers.” John did some soul-searching and realized that he frequently served as a peacemaker and sought family harmony when his siblings squabbled. While that is a noble role, it undermined his ability to lay off staff.
約翰，是一位大公司的區域執行總裁，對於他的團隊來說，他是一個慈愛的父親形象。他關心他人並且努力去減低團隊的衝突。然而當他的公司經營狀況不好，需要他去解僱一些團隊成員的時候，約翰變得非常有壓力和焦慮。他視團隊视成員為家人和朋友，所以當他公司的主席用一下字眼如“員工人數”“績效最差的5%的員工”的時候，約翰跟自己的靈魂做了對話，然後意識到他常常在自己的家庭中扮演一個“和平制造者”，在兄弟姐妹吵架的時候，他力求家庭和諧。雖然這是一個高貴的角色，這個角色卻削弱了他裁員的能力。
Sarah, a highly driven CEO of a technology company, was a heavy-handed micromanager. When Sarah looked back at her childhood, she remembered that her father’s business failed because of a trusted colleague’s fraud. That taught Sarah to trust no one and monitor her team members’ every move.
莎拉，在一個科技公司任職執行總裁，在追求结果的同時，也是非常注重細節。當莎拉回觀自己的童年，她記得她父親生意失敗，因爲他非常信任的一個同事出现了詐欺。這個事件教會了莎拉不要相信任何人，所以她總是在監督著團隊成員的每一個舉動。
Addressing these childhood issues is never easy, for several reasons. To begin with, most executives are not even aware they have problems because these processes and dynamics are largely subconscious, even though they have become powerful influences that hover in what the American psychologist William James called “the fringe of consciousness.” Those who vaguely recognize their issues may see them as unchangeable personality traits and dismiss them with “that’s just the way I am.” Others deny their problems because they are afraid of looking weak among fellow executives or because they lack the self-awareness to self-examine their past.
理解這些童年發生的事件，不那麼容易，有幾個原因。首先，大多數的高管不會意識到自己有這些問題，這些過程和複雜程度是潛意識層面的，儘管他們擁有至高無上的影響力。美國心理学家William James稱此為“意識邊緣” 。這群人幾乎不會看見自己的問題，而且他們會認為這是無可改變的性格問題，歌置一邊，並對外聲稱“這就是我的行事風格”。另外一部分的人否認他们有問題，因為他們不喜歡被其他的高管看成軟弱，或是因爲他們没有足够的自我觉察去檢驗他們自己的過去。
However, raising awareness of communication and relationship styles that typically are rooted in early family experiences can be incredibly helpful for executives, the people they manage, and their companies. Often, just recognizing that the CEO and other team members are acting out family dynamics can lead to significant change and improved team performance.
然而，提升這些紮根在早年家庭模式裡的溝通和關係風格的覺察，不僅對高管自己有用，對他們的團隊和組織都有用。如果能看見並認識到執行總裁和團隊成員常常呈現原生家庭的溝通模式，就足够去提高團隊的績效。
So what should you do if you suspect that childhood issues are affecting your behavior as an executive, or if you’ve been told you have a problem dealing with people?
所以，當你懷疑你的童年事件正在影響你的高管行為，或是你被别人告知你有與人互動的障礙時，你要做些什麼呢？
1. Make sense of the early family events that shaped you.
Ask yourself: Did family members speak openly or rarely speak their mind? Were emotions openly shared or rarely disclosed? How did your primary caregivers respond to pressure? Were relations with your extended family (such as aunts, uncles and cousins) close or distant? Why? Did you have any significant life events, perhaps the death of a caregiver or birth of a disabled sibling? What was your role in your family?
1. 回顧並理解早期塑造你行為的童年事件，問自己：
你的家庭成員是開放的，或是極少的談論他們的觀點？
情緒是被公開分享還是極少被揭露？
你主要的照料者（議者附：照料者指的是父母、祖父母、養父母、保姆、其他親人）如何回應壓力？
你的其他親人與彼此親近還是疏遠（如阿姨、叔叔或者表堂兄弟姐妹）？為什麼？
你曾遇到過重大事件嗎？如照料者的去世，或有殘疾的兄弟姐妹的出生？
你在家庭裡的角色是什麼？
2. Self-diagnose how you behave with your team today. Ask yourself or ask a friend you trust whether you might be playing out any of these family attributes as you lead your top team. Think about which of these behaviors serve you well, and which should be discarded and replaced with more effective behaviors.
從今天開始你可以自我檢測你與你團隊是如何互動的。你可以問自己或問一個你信得過的朋友，你带團隊的時候，有没有攜帶原生家庭的模式。想想，这些模式哪些是服務於你的，哪一些又是可以丢棄，或者以更有效的行爲方式来取代。
3. Make changes happen. Think about the new behaviors you need to adopt with your top team, but don’t deeply intellectualize them. Instead, start to do them — in effect, “act” them. You might be surprised that this simple approach of living the new behavior will help you rewrite your inner script and make you feel more at ease with new ways of thinking and interacting.
付诸行動，讓改變發生。思考需要開始採用哪一些新的行爲方式，但是请不要深度的用腦去想。反之，要開始行動，實踐“它們“。你會驚訝於這些簡單的新行為方式可以幫助你重寫你内在的劇本，並且讓你在新的思考方式與新的互動與感覺到更舒服。
Peter, the leader who appeared disengaged just like his father, recognized his behavior was harming his team’s performance. He began taking small steps, which he said felt “very awkward at first”: engaging in small talk, dropping into his executive team’s offices to share thoughts, and initiating an executive team dinner. With practice, Peter became more engaged and was able to savor his team’s new bond, which Peter said helped improve the way they worked as a group and was a key factor in the company’s ability to increase market share in a very challenging market. As a team member commented, “We feel unified and have a greater focus as a team.”
彼得，如他父親一樣的疏離於團隊，他意識到他的行為對團隊的績效是有害的。他開始採取小步行動，他说一開始他感覺到“非常奇怪”，他開始做一些談話（small talks），去到他直線管理團隊的辦公室去分享想法，並且組織領導層聚餐。當他開始做这些刻意練習，彼得開始變得更加投入，他能和團隊更融合更多信赖，彼得說團隊工作方式得以改善，並且這促使了公司在一个高度競争的市場裡去提高市場競爭份額。有一位團隊成員評論：“我們感覺到團结，並且作為一個團隊，我們有更好的聚焦點。”
